Nica Construction

[Jonh]

I was visiting some in-laws last night, one of whom enjoys telling tales of the family down there. They're building a house to retire in, and confirmed for me one thing I've always suspected. Someone may at one point sketch a floor plan on a napkin, but once the foundation is laid they pretty much make it up as they go along. This is a two-story house. They showed me a video of its construction. While it's probably structurally sound enough, I just shook my head at some of the design decisions.

Some Nica-isms of construction:

The owner shall not perform any construction, not even painting. It's seen as taking work away form those in need, and insulting to their pride in craftsmanship. Never mind that they consistently fail to follow your specific instructions, do things so cheaply they have to be re-done in a week, and leave a mess of splattered paint and dust.

Never stockpile more construction materials than you will use in one day. Any unused lumber, block, cement, etc. will grow legs overnight. If it's still in your garage it must be because you bought too much, therefore it need to be redistributed.

Fundamentals like P-traps in floor drains are an afterthought, even when the Owner told you to put one in. If asked, the plumber will lie and say he put one in even if he didn't. Now you know why the floor tile got laid so quickly.

A mix of aesthetic styles shows you have good taste. Clay barrel tile, white painted stucco, fancy round brick-clad columns, and Aztec window trim makes you Cosmopolitan and commands respect. *blink*

Running bond in concrete block looks best when two feet away the bond is staggered only two inches. Cover it with stucco, and no one will know there's no re-bar inside.

And of course, bare fluorescent light bulbs casting a ghastly pallor are the norm because if you have a "light fixture" with a housing and lens to more evenly distribute the light, it will get stolen and sold by a glue sniffer.

Welcome to Nicaragua.

[Dr. Demento]

what is the fix?

[KeyWestPirate]

I was visiting some in-laws last night, one of whom enjoys telling tales of the family down there. They're building a house to retire in, and confirmed for me one thing I've always suspected. Someone may at one point sketch a floor plan on a napkin, but once the foundation is laid they pretty much make it up as they go along. This is a two-story house. They showed me a video of its construction. While it's probably structurally sound enough, I just shook my head at some of the design decisions.

Some Nica-isms of construction:

The owner shall not perform any construction, not even painting. It's seen as taking work away form those in need, and insulting to their pride in craftsmanship. Never mind that they consistently fail to follow your specific instructions, do things so cheaply they have to be re-done in a week, and leave a mess of splattered paint and dust.

Never stockpile more construction materials than you will use in one day. Any unused lumber, block, cement, etc. will grow legs overnight. If it's still in your garage it must be because you bought too much, therefore it need to be redistributed.

Fundamentals like P-traps in floor drains are an afterthought, even when the Owner told you to put one in. If asked, the plumber will lie and say he put one in even if he didn't. Now you know why the floor tile got laid so quickly.

A mix of aesthetic styles shows you have good taste. Clay barrel tile, white painted stucco, fancy round brick-clad columns, and Aztec window trim makes you Cosmopolitan and commands respect. *blink*

Running bond in concrete block looks best when two feet away the bond is staggered only two inches. Cover it with stucco, and no one will know there's no re-bar inside.

And of course, bare fluorescent light bulbs casting a ghastly pallor are the norm because if you have a "light fixture" with a housing and lens to more evenly distribute the light, it will get stolen and sold by a glue sniffer.

Welcome to Nicaragua.

You forgot toilet seats in your discussion.. .who needs one anyway?

[bill_bly_ca]

You forgot toilet seats in your discussion.. .who needs one anyway?

in 2004, on my first visit, I was shocked to find that the majority of coloured toilets from the 60's and 70's somehow managed to be recycled into Nica

[El Greco]

Who wants to paint when you can have somebody do it for you

[KeyWestPirate]

"in 2004, on my first visit, I was shocked to find that the majority of coloured toilets from the 60's and 70's somehow managed to be recycled into Nica"

Those probably came from that early "trade in your water guzzling toilet for a free Lo-Flush" programs. Unfortunately, the early Lo-Flush took two or three flushes to clear the bowl, so this was kind of a wash . . .. .

Those furry pink toilet seats would probably be a big hit too; but it's hard enough just keeping a seat on a toilet, probably better not to tempt fate with such extravagance.

[Jonh]

What's the fix? Build it all yourself. Everyone will think you're a common laborer so they won't steal from you out of professional courtesy. Maybe, I dunno.

[catahoula fan]

Thanks for this, John. Made me laugh! That's why this site is the REAL Nicaragua!

[Dr. Demento]

What's the fix? Build it all yourself. Everyone will think you're a common laborer so they won't steal from you out of professional courtesy. Maybe, I dunno.

i saw a tshirt today: "LIBERALISM, Moochers electing Looters to steal from Producers"

kinda like that?

[Little Corn Tom]

i saw a tshirt today: "LIBERALISM, Moochers electing Looters to steal from Producers"

kinda like that?

Yep!