Beating Me Down

[KeyWestPirate]

Some days it seems like the Nicaraguan Adventure is simply too much to bear.

It's never the big things that get to you; it's the little stuff.

Yeah, Ariana walked out on me, and I really miss Shelley (my wife) too. But I can handle that.

What I'm talking about is returning from PriceSmart and finding the Scott TP I bought was only one ply. I spent probably ten minutes trying to decide whether to buy the Charmin, or the Scott.
I prefer Charmin for the obvious reasons, but the Charmin at PriceSmart was Nicaraguan-sized, those rolls that are an inch narrower than American TP. Jayro was with me (farm manager), and probably thought I had lost my mind, obsessing about TP. His advice was, "Buy The Charmin!"

About half of my TP mysteriously disappears, so Charmin is probably his favorite brand too.

I always bring a big Costco bundle of Charmin with me when I drive. It serves as packing between the other items in the bins, Same-O with the Bounty paper towels. Paper towels in Nicaragua are $h!t, and expensive to boot.

So I took the bundle of Scott at PriceSmart, not even thinking to check the ply.
I believe in the American Way of Life, and that includes a standard sized sheet of TP. For me, undersized and single ply TP smacks of

COMMUNISM.


I haven't been to Russia or North Korea, but I have been to Cuba, and Cuban TP is brown with wood chips. Not even Fidel uses Cuban TP. He has his favorite brand, and when he travels his advance team discreetly places a roll of his TP in any bathroom he might visit.

So, now I find myself in the clutches of a dilemma. Do I bend, and begin using the narrower Charmin TP ? Do I stand firm, and not wipe my butt until I leave for the US on July 14?
For the moment, I'm just folding the Scott over a couple of times to form a multi-ply sheet. But this expedient is creating a lot of anxiety and stress.

[bill_bly_ca]

There are 2 plys to every story....

[Just Plain John Wayne]

Awww Heck, ya got plenty of time on the shitter to pull off a good fathom of the single ply and double it and double it again and a again to reach a thickness that won't break and find yourself doing things to ya cornhole adults should not be doing to themselves.

My problem is hoping and praying I MAKE IT to the shitter on time.

I buy the SCOTT 1000 Hojas because it lasts a lot longer with my family than the fluffy crap. How much each person in my family uses per serving, I have no idea, but I use a Fathom of it as above.

Got a funny one on my youngest daughter Cindi Diana though.

She had gone in the downstairs bathroom to take a dump and after getting seated found the roll was EMPTY. We have all had this happen and she hollered out to me, "Daddy, no paper in the bathroom, would you get and pass me a roll of it?"

I could not resist at this time playing a joke on her she stuck on the toilet and all... Laughing as I write this.

I hollered out, "Sweetheart no hay mas mil hojas"

Oh lord she said, "what am I gone do instead?"

I hollered out, "Turn the shower on and use Mil Gotas for your problem.

Got everyone in the house laughing and we now call our brand of paper 1000 GOTAS.

She really didn't like doing it at first, the thought had nevah occurred to her, but did shower herself and told me later she even used soap for the job....

[KeyWestPirate]

Fyl (on the old NIcaLiving site) was fond of pointing out that the vast majority of the world's inhabitants DON'T use TP. As a boy growing up in Iowa I remember corn cobs and Sears Catalogs were popular with the rural set, but I don't know what the rest of the world uses (and really don't want to know).

We'd go at it every World Toilet Day. His composting toilet vs the latest Japanese $5K unit that foam-washed, rinsed (with warm water), and then perfumed your butt.

I'm happy with a toilet that flushes conpletely and consistently every time.

I can handle the rest of the work myself.
Although, I wouldn't mind trying the Japanese unit ONCE.


That's my major criteria for pulling the plug: when I can no longer wipe my own butt it's time to say adios.

[Little Corn Tom]

The only problem is that if you can't wipe your butt, you probably can't pull the plug!

[Just Plain John Wayne]

I have used corn cobbs in my youth..

Hence the saying among fishermen anyway when at times talking about "The Pond" the Atlantic Ocean...

ROUGH AS A COBB....

[el duende grande]

Chopping is not Nic's high card. I just had sticker shock in reverse when I bought a big can of shaving cream at Walmart in AZ and it was only 98 cents. Pause, this is where somebody chimes in most people in Nic can't afford shaving cream.

Pulling the plug is done by remote control by an Advanced Healthcare Directive. Do it, do it in detail, and make sure your relatives and the hospital you are most likely to end up in have a copy. Don't wait until you are in a nursing home in the PRK where an "ombudsman" has to anoint your docs before they are valid.

It is not valid in Nic., but it probably wouldn't be bad to dummy up one in Spanish, more as a bargaining tool than a legal mandate.

[kwah2249]

Yeah, Ariana walked out on me

Sorry to hear aboout your 3rd world one ply problems. But I see how you snuck that in there, whats the story with ^that^? Unless of course its private.

[KeyWestPirate]

Sorry to hear aboout your 3rd world one ply problems. But I see how you snuck that in there, whats the story with ^that^? Unless of course its private.

Not sure to this day. Ariana was supposed to make the trip with me to the US shortly before Christmas. I had it all figured out.. don't want to go into ALL the details publicly, but despite all it still remains very do-able. A number of options are available.

She turned up pregnant when I returned from my last trip to the US... Unfortunately, I had prostate cancer in 2008 and had my prostate removed, so the child wasn't going to be mine biologically, but I was still pretty excited. I found us a great doctor, studied in Spain, Costa Rica, had very clean and professional offices, and even had her own very modern ultrasound.

She (Dra. Demaris, in Estelí ) charged a bit more, a mind boggling C$500 /visit, but that includes an ultrasound and the photo every visit. The second visit, I thought things were still going well, but I sensed some serious tension. Shortly after that, Ariana simply packed up and left.

Painful.

We have another doctor's apointment on the 29th. I hope she calls. I'm resigned to moving on, but I would still like to help her with the baby. She had a very tough first pregnancy, and a hard delivery that ran two days. She was supposed to have a caesarean but there were no surgeons available. She was fifteen then.

The relationship ALWAYS had an expiration date, but I was hoping to help her get a leg up (a job in the US). There is plenty of live in nanny work that would have been perfect for her. I have a sister in Palo Alto who was putting the word out.

The timing of the pregnancy complicated things a bit, but had she successfully entered the US, gave birth, she and the baby both would be non-deportable. The plan was to bring the baby back to Nicaragua, still a US citizen, he could spend his first few years in Nicaragua, and Ariana could work in the US. I had arranged with one of my farm workers and his wife, both really fine people who had child of their own in December, to care for the baby while Ariana was in the US. I (with an emphasis on the I ) had it all worked out.

Something didn't jell, it's hard to say what. Ariana has a 6 year old son who she is very close to. He's taken care of by the father's parents.

There are cultural differences I (we) will never understand. If I were Nicaraguan of limited means, I would move heaven and earth getting to the US. Nothing would stop me. But, the immediacy of the family connection here makes for a very different attitude. The fear of the unknown, the fear of losing that all important family connection and support,, ??? Perhaps, some shame associated with leaving the baby ??


Many NIcaraguans (and I'm sure that there are wealthy, educated, and well traveled Nicaraguans as well) have a very parochial view of the world. They don't read, newspapers, books. I have a young and very listo law student tutoring me right now in Spanish, 2 hours a day, three days a week. One of our projects is plowing through "The Old Man and the Sea" in Spanish. He had never heard of the book, had never heard of Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

So, (after a bit of wandering),, the story with "that" is, I just don't know. I do know that she's not coming back. She opened a lot of doors for me, showed me a lot of the Nicaraguan culture that I would have missed without her.

Clearly, I still have a lot to learn.

[kwah2249]

Ouch man sorry to hear that. Thats a lot of effort invested but guess the worst part is investing emotionally and then getting cut out. Hope she will be able to see past whoever is pressuring her and do the right thing.

[el duende grande]

"Opening the doors to Nicaraguan culture" isn't always what it is cracked up to be! But then, culture depends on the family and individual. By some miracle the current generation of women in my family have beat the baby machine syndrome. 3 married in church, not pregnant, 2 of them college grads and one with a business. The fourth, single, not pregnant, graduating from medical school. Some people beat the system, some perpetuate it.

[Little Corn Tom]

That is a great record in any culture!

[KeyWestPirate]

Yes, perhaps you've had more of an influence than you give yourself credit for ??

People are people.
Culture, opportunity, individual choices drive us all.
Doesn't hurt if you're born rich.

[cookshow]

See it go either way all the time, usually those that break the cycle have someone to follow or someone pointing out the possibility for a different way of Life. Biggest issue is always getting a Girl through High School without a Baby in tow.

[KeyWestPirate]

I'm beginning to suspect that I may have serious mental health issues:

1. I like living in Nicaragua; that alone makes my mental condition highly suspect.

2. Little things drive me from heights of ecstasy to depths of despair, and vice versa:

Moving stuff from Condega to Estelí I found a full bundle of Charmin that I must have brought down on an earlier trip and buried.

Doubling down on the best day I've had in a while, I found a full size toilet paper dispenser, chromed brass from North Carolina, $17, at Sinsa.

THEN, I found some led Fluorescent tubes, also at Sinsa.

"Are you sure you want these?" asks the girl, " they are yellow . . ."

"Yellow??" I ask.

They were in fact warm white , and I'm now replacing those ugly cool blue tubes with sunlight. First one to go was in the bathroom, and that's why the colors in the pic are so rich.

I'm so happy I feel like embracing Doniston, that fine, intelligent, polite, fellow ---- who very shortly will be the only white person in Limon, Costa Rica.

[Little Corn Tom]

I'm so happy I feel like embracing Doniston, that fine, intelligent, polite, fellow ---- who very shortly will be the only white person in Limon, Costa Rica.

Now that is happy!

[Just Plain John Wayne]

Hey Doniston when ya get to Limon Costa Rica, Tell all the Girls (I use that term VERY loosely) at the AMERICAN BAR howdy from 'ole JW would ya?

[KeyWestPirate]

Hey Doniston when ya get to Limon Costa Rica, Tell all the Girls (I use that term VERY loosely) at the AMERICAN BAR howdy from 'ole JW would ya?

With all this equality stuff coming down the pike, we may wind up in a situation where rejecting the LGTG >> "girl" << might get you sued for discrimination.

Different strokes . . ., but not for this guy!

[Just Plain John Wayne]

KWP........