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Thread: Flossie Se Fue!

  1. #1

    Default Flossie Se Fue!

    I have one cow left, a two year old vaquilla named Flossie. Flossie was born on the farm, and has gotten to be a big girl. Other than giving her the 3 month anti parasite injections, and some corn and cana once a week,, we all keep to ourselves.

    Normally I hear her bellow sometime during the day. These are kind of background sounds that you become attuned to. I didn't hear her on Monday so I asked Dimas if he had seen her. He went looking for her, and came back about an hour later: "She's not here".

    He and Javier then start looking seriously,, for a fence break where she might have wandered off, looking in adjacent pastures, talking to the neighbors. Nothing. She had never done anything like this before,, and is a very social animal,, keeping company with two of the horses. The burro (Barak Hussein - but we call him Barry) is with Luna in a different but adjacent pasture. If the two of them could come to some understanding I would have a mule.

    The next morning I talk to Dimas and Javier: What do you think?

    "She's been stolen".
    She is very easy to approach, curious, and it would be simple to get a rope around her neck. I dreaded the trip to the police to do the denuncia,, another day lost, and probably wasted time.

    "Let's offer a reward. I suspect that someone knows something."
    In the meantime,, Dimas and Javier are talking to everyone. Dimas reports that the guy we get milk from saw "Roberto" leading two cows down the highway at 11 PM a couple of nights ago. We immediately assume that one of them is Flossie. Roberto Peralta is a known drunk and thief.

    Day Three: 2000 cords is serious money up here, especially for information. You pay 800 cords a manazana to clear land,, hard work with a machete. No easy lunch,, no IT guys sitting in front of a screen drinking a cup of coffee while a server re-boots.

    Dimas' father Juan Jose comes over. "I think I know where your cow is,, but we can't get her right now". He's heard the rumor of the reward. Sure enough,, that afternoon the cow is back in my pasture.

    Juan Jose staked out the Peralta property (my neighbor to the west) and after father and son left,, slipped onto the property and found the cow tied up in a copse of trees. There was only one young boy watching the house (people here rarely leave their houses unoccupied). He untied the cow,, attached his own rope, and led the docile beast back to my pasture.

    The elder Peralta confronted Juan Jose later in the day,, after he discovered "his" cow missing, and claimed that the cow wandered onto his property. This is a physical impossibility,, the cow would have had to have found three fence breaks on our land, and then somehow got through Peralta's fence. The cow also has our brand.

    He then came looking for me, claiming that I owed him for taking care of the cow for three days. Dimas told him I was at the police station in Condega, doing the denuncia. That sent him scurrying off.

    However,,, the police are not going to pursue a he said-she said. And I have so much better things to do with my time (like fix the water pipe Mariposa bit off).

    Peralta came over one morning early about a month ago. Krisnia and I had just gotten up and were drinking a cup of coffee,, maybe about 6:30. He tried to borrow 15000 cords, and after an hour of polite excuses I wandered off to to my chores,, leaving him with Krisnia. I didn't tell him that I don't loan Nicaraguans money because they don't pay the money back,, but in fact, that is the truth.

    Peralta's son Roberto was one of two suspects in the big chicken theft last fall. El Flaco,, another local drunk and thief, was the other. Twelve ready to go chickens rustled one night. We did loan Roberto 100 cords one day,, recognizing the opportunity. I knew he wouldn't pay it back,, but could point to that non payment in the future. I did bring up his son's non-payment with the elder Peralta when he tried to borrow the 15000 cords. Interestingly, Flossie is worth just about exactly that number.

    So,, all's well that ends well. I'm out 2000 cords, but we don't have much amusement up here, and that is probably what it costs to get into a ball game these days. Chisme rules here, and Peralta is going to have trouble looking his neighbors in the eye.

    Flossie is back where she belongs, and we are looking hard at our fences. Not to keep Flossie in,, but to keep our local vagos out.

    Trump has the right idea.

  2. #2
    Para aquí para acá Jonh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Some people pay bookies for gambling entertainment, some pay hookers, some buy drugs, you have your own form of entertainment. Plus, constantly devising new ways to deal with the thieving keeps your mind sharp.

    My buddy and some-time business partner was helping a church do some renovations and upgrades. The plumbing permit expired with only one inspection to go before final, and the church people told David the plumber stopped because he went out of business. David went downtown to talk to the city permit people, and the clerk personally knew the plumber so she called him up and asked about this. Plumber said no, he's very much still in business, he quit the church job because they owed him over two grand. The church people (did I mention church people?) flat out lied.

    So we have our very own kind of thieving here. Same motivation, childish power games. Many of my clients are rolling in money, but they get an orgasmic thrill out of negotiating your fee down to nothing, and not paying your invoice. Then they have the gall to say, "Can you give me a break on that price? I have more projects for you coming up." Uh, no you don't. Never call me again.

  3. #3
    House SOB Little Corn Tom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Great story.....
    Life's different here ... It's a whole 'nother pace.

  4. #4
    Viejo del Foro Daddy-YO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Yes, Capt. Pirate, your stories are genuine and very good reading, but it's frustrating to realize the crap you have to put up with to farm in Nicaragua. Couldn't you have put a GPS tracking chip on Flossie's ear or some similar device that sets off an alarm when she steps beyond your GPS defined perimeter?

    Maybe I've watched too many mafioso movies, but when you know your neighbor on your west flank is a thief, how can you let him get away with an attempt to steal your only cow unpunished? Can you set up a sting? Pay the police? At least a booby-trapped zone on that side - not saying Claymore mines, but maybe beartraps - where the cow couldn't wander into.

    Wouldn't it have been better to involved the police in retrieving the animal with your brand, to catch the thief red-handed, once it was located? Or are the police untrustworthy, in particular because the thief has been their neighbor for years & years, and you, a rich gringo, are recently arrived?

    Hey, at least you got your cow back. Unfortunately the Peraltas will likely be back too.
    I never met a Semite I didn't like.

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    Dog Whisperer cookshow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Welcome to Paradise. Been doing it over a decade, still shaking my head...
    ‎"You know what you say when people tell you you can't do something? Fool, shut your mouth up!"
    Ernie K Doe

  6. #6

    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    We went up the the country place yesterday to accept a load of selecto. Just after I had the guy dump it just outside the porton (who's going to steal selecto?) the neighbor comes buy and says we have a selecto thief in the area. 12 m3 too late!

    But they weren't ordinary selecto thieves, they were loggers going to pick up some logs on a potholed road so they took some fill. Didn't ask if they returned it later.... Yep, everybody knows everybody's business.

    That's the good news, bad news is the community water system well ran out of water. Mighty early in the dry season. Muni says they are going to dig it 200 feet deeper, didn't say when or if their is water at 200 feet deeper.

    We only keep a few plants watered and one big dog so we will scrape thru, but the rest of the homes are back to the old days--filling gallon bottles at the old hippy bicycle chain pump. Sad.
    Today I scrounged up our collection of 5 gallon jugs from the old days and filled them in town and brought them back up, giving half to the neighbor. We also have 150 ga of dirty water from out roof drain barrels for the plants, which leaves us a little ahead of the game.

    "Support mental health or I'll break your head"


  7. #7
    Para aquí para acá Jonh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Selecto is crushed limerock or something?

  8. #8

    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Quote Originally Posted by Daddy-YO View Post
    Yes, Capt. Pirate, your stories are genuine and very good reading, but it's frustrating to realize the crap you have to put up with to farm in Nicaragua. Couldn't you have put a GPS tracking chip on Flossie's ear or some similar device that sets off an alarm when she steps beyond your GPS defined perimeter?

    Maybe I've watched too many mafioso movies, but when you know your neighbor on your west flank is a thief, how can you let him get away with an attempt to steal your only cow unpunished? Can you set up a sting? Pay the police? At least a booby-trapped zone on that side - not saying Claymore mines, but maybe beartraps - where the cow couldn't wander into.

    Wouldn't it have been better to involved the police in retrieving the animal with your brand, to catch the thief red-handed, once it was located? Or are the police untrustworthy, in particular because the thief has been their neighbor for years & years, and you, a rich gringo, are recently arrived?

    Hey, at least you got your cow back. Unfortunately the Peraltas will likely be back too.
    What you DON'T want to do more than anything else in the campo is get some feud going. It's a long way for the police to come,, 26 miles,, 6KM of that dirt and uphill. I would have to pony up gas and probably lunch. The police are rarely up here,, I don't remember ever seeing them. I get the sense that most Nicas really avoid contact with the police.

    Things worked out well. I could have done the denuncia to get the incident on the record,, so if we had a second there would be the antecedent.
    Even so,, Peralta will say: "The cow wandered onto my property. I was looking for the owner". Best I think,, to let sleeping dogs lie. I got the cow back. Everyone knows the Peraltas are iffy. Interestingly,, they are up here by themselves.. Lots of Vasquez,, lots of Gomez,, just the one Peralta family.

    There is a bit of fitting in that has to be done. Everyone has a rice bowl,, one guy castrates pigs,, another does horse shoeing,, I need them all, and don't want to piss off anyone unnecessarily.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Yeah, there are a lot of people here who have a lot of time on their hands and little to lose. I think if you called the cops he would have blamed it on the kid who would play dumb. Without proof , the cops would do nothing, Hopefully somebody will tell, Peralta's mom, and he will get a pena-bashing.

    Selecto is fine crushed rock, balastre being large crushed rock. They are use for road base and home construction. Mineral content will vary by location. Last couple years in Esteli it is some kind of conglomerate, tan or pink. By the time it gets mined, transported, and dumped, it is pretty fine. Before that, it was a hard rock that did not compact as well but I suspect was stronger. Great for driveways and yards as it covers up the sticky clay.

    "Support mental health or I'll break your head"


  10. #10
    Dog Whisperer cookshow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Quote Originally Posted by KeyWestPirate View Post
    What you DON'T want to do more than anything else in the campo is get some feud going.
    Learn to swing a Machete, you are going to need it. Guns make too much noise..
    ‎"You know what you say when people tell you you can't do something? Fool, shut your mouth up!"
    Ernie K Doe

  11. #11

    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    and as you have pointed out, the side of a machete can be an attention getter!

    And if you shot a burglar, can you imagine the gossip-- "The gringo shot his wife, or the wife shot the gringo, or so I heard". Or "the gringo shot his foot playing cowboy I think"

    "Support mental health or I'll break your head"


  12. #12
    Para aquí para acá Jonh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Every Nicaraguan I know packs heat. Whether in Managua or the boonies.

    My aunt's 1-room farm house has a .22 rifle hanging on the wall. The whole time we were there one day, I heard a neighbor somewhere shooting. Our property is nearby, and all I could think of was, either I have a future shooting buddy, or a future nutjub neighbor.

    Are suppressors legal in Nicaragua?

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    Dog Whisperer cookshow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jonh View Post
    Every Nicaraguan I know packs heat.
    You don't know many, few carry, little mor common on the Coast, but still not much.
    ‎"You know what you say when people tell you you can't do something? Fool, shut your mouth up!"
    Ernie K Doe

  14. #14

    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    I know a missionary who carries a .22 rifle in the front seat of his car when he goes out at night. But he's a Nica, probably smarter than the gringo missionaries he hangs out with.
    See a few business owners with revolvers. Armed guards are common in the better neighborhoods, but usually with shotguns.
    I only carry when I go out to the countryside. Used to carry when I went into town at night, but I stopped going into town at night.

    "Support mental health or I'll break your head"


  15. #15
    House SOB Little Corn Tom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    My story is admittedly dated as it took place about 15 years ago.

    My son and I were flying back from San Carlos to Managua. We were (of course) the only two Gringos on the plane and were the only two passengers (out of 10) who did not check guns. I remember that the airport terminal had 3 sides, no roof, and a table to pile up the guns and luggage.

    Just another day in paradise, eh?
    Life's different here ... It's a whole 'nother pace.

  16. #16
    Dog Whisperer cookshow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Back in the day, that was a sight when they dumped all the guns on a table at the airport. Have not seen anyone check a gun in years.
    ‎"You know what you say when people tell you you can't do something? Fool, shut your mouth up!"
    Ernie K Doe

  17. #17
    Viejo del Foro Daddy-YO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Relatively speaking, Leon doesn't seem to be nearly as 'jodido' as other parts of Nicaragua. I can't recall seeing anyone here armed. Even security guards here are not packing (altho those accompanying armored cars make a show of theirs). When I walk back to the apartment after 10pm the streets are empty except for unarmed night watchmen making their rounds on bicycles blowing their whistles to assure residents all is safe. Leon has 'tourist police' that mill amongst the crowds during performances - they're unarmed. The only time we were robbed by assault was when we were visiting Esteli, downtown on a Sunday morning. I did have my pocket picked once - in Managua.

    I don't own a gun. Never have. So I'm totally unprepared for when the people's revolution threatens my castle.
    I never met a Semite I didn't like.

  18. #18

    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    I had lunch in Leon where the owner had a revolver stuck in his pants pocket. Keep in mind, Nic has no open carry law. If you have a gun permit the gun must be concealed in public.
    As far as revolutions and such, lets not get over romantic. If there is a revolution or civil breakdown, its time to leave. Self defense is for common stuff like robbers and rapists, anything more than that and you will rapidly be out numbered and out gunned.

    Hope for the best, but remember the wisdom of Howard Hughes. When things went south (the earthquake) he got in his jet, circled the capital twice, and left.

    In Esteli, bank guards are armed with shotguns and many offices have guards armed with revolvers. Everything is stealable, including computers, so 24/7 security is very common. There are also a ton of guards with just nightsticks. If they could afford maglites, they would probably have them, at least till they were stolen!

    "Support mental health or I'll break your head"


  19. #19
    Viejo del Foro Daddy-YO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Where did you lunch? On the by-pass? (Hope he had the safety on. Nutless owners make poor businessmen.) There are parts of Leon I don't know that well, but would hesitate to wander around after daylight.

    My comment about the people's revolution was tongue-in-cheek, an off-hand reference to the over publicized anti-Trump demonstrations, the sub-set of poor losers. The only revolution that concerns me is that of the Earth about the sun, marking another year. If shooting the sun would help . . . I'd buy a gun.

    You're right about concealed weapons. But it's what some good-looking women don't conceal that can lead to real trouble.

    Quote Originally Posted by el duende grande View Post
    I had lunch in Leon where the owner had a revolver stuck in his pants pocket. Keep in mind, Nic has no open carry law. If you have a gun permit the gun must be concealed in public.

    As far as revolutions and such, lets not get over romantic. If there is a revolution or civil breakdown, its time to leave. Self defense is for common stuff like robbers and rapists, anything more than that and you will rapidly be out numbered and out gunned.

    Hope for the best, but remember the wisdom of Howard Hughes. When things went south (the earthquake) he got in his jet, circled the capital twice, and left.
    Did Howard Hughes have the Crown Plaza in Managua built to serve him? Heliport on the roof, top two floors exclusively for him. Conveniently by Somoza's underground bunkers.
    I never met a Semite I didn't like.

  20. #20

    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Quote Originally Posted by cookshow View Post
    You don't know many, few carry, little mor common on the Coast, but still not much.

    I dont know too many that have guns either. Outside of some finca owners (for hunting purposes......of course), and taxi drivers in Managua, i havent met many in the city that have guns. I have seen a few of the street guys with a gun in their pants, but i don't hang out with them so I don't know how many of them have them. But as for just regular ol normal people in the city, Ive only met a few.
    Most that ive talked to about it say they don't want to escalate things to that level. If the neighbors know they have a gun in the house, when someone comes to rob them, they dont come with a homemade shiv and general threats, but instead come in with guns. A couple explained to me that when someone knows there is a gun there, they get a lot more jumpy and easily spooked by sounds or movements, etc. Adrenaline is already at a high, so someone makes a noise in the other room and they freak out and squeeze the trigger and run.


    im not making a personal case for or against carrying guns. Just saying in my case, i havent seen it come true to where "every nicaraguan i know packs heat"

  21. #21

    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    The cost alone blocks out most people. $720 for a maverick shotgun that can occasionally be had for under $200 on sale at Walmart in the US, plus the cost of the permit which has to be renewed every 5 years. "Personal protection" is a specified use so there is no need to pretend to be a hunter. In my neighborhood, most have dogs which are more dangerous to innocent bystanders than guns. One guy has pepperspray and I assume there are machetes all over the place. In the hands of middle class city people, machetes are more or less no weapon. Remember,
    God made man, but Coronal Colt made them equal.

    Of our 3 closest neighbors, in an emergency 1 would stay in her house with her 2 german shepards (one of which bit 3 people and killed a pig before he got sentenced to house duty), one might respond with his pepper spray, and the other would probably close the windows and lay low. assuming anyone had saldo, police response would be iffy.

    My guess is mostly business people have guns, generally hidden. Guns aren't a crook magnet, but the thought that somebody has cash is. I guess anyone who is believed to have usd 2000 on them is a high candidate for armed home invasion type of robbery in this area. Merchants carry cash back and forth to bank and to home, making them vulnerable.
    Big stores have armored car pickups with multiple guards.

    Most thieves come unarmed or with a machete and aim for unoccupied homes. Since the police investigate murders and probably hospitalizations, the average thief tries to stay below the radar.

    Don't remember the name of the restaurant in Leon, it was a big typica place on a corner in an average looking neighborhood. I suspect the owner had a list of vagos and druggies in his head and he kept an eye on them.

    Any foreigner here living in the own house could easily be on the list of of prime targets, whether they have guns or valuables or not. Comes with the territory. It doesn't matter that the neighbors dairy cows are worth several times what's in our house, its a matter of perception.

    "Support mental health or I'll break your head"


  22. #22
    Para aquí para acá Jonh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Gringo = rich. Repatriated Nica = rich. Rich = target. The Marxists trained them well.

  23. #23
    Viejo del Foro Daddy-YO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jonh View Post
    Gringo = rich. Repatriated Nica = rich. Rich = target. The Marxists trained them well.
    I don't know where my baby boy got his Marxist training.
    When his buddy baby has a new toy, he grabs for it. If the other is flaunting it or teasing him with it, he'll push him down & take it. Adults intercede immediately to enforce the laws protecting Capitalistic gain.
    I never met a Semite I didn't like.

  24. #24

    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Can't over-politicize greed. It predates Marxism. Marxism is an ideology of greed, but not necessarily the greed of the poor against the rich, but the greed of intellectuals for absolute power. Stirring up envy in the poor is a tactic, not a root cause.
    Our grandchildren fight over toys. too. They have to be taught to share when appropriate.

    "Support mental health or I'll break your head"


  25. #25
    TRN Science officer bill_bly_ca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flossie Se Fue!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jonh View Post
    Gringo = rich. Repatriated Nica = rich. Rich = target. The Marxists trained them well.
    Well every single sole who lives(ed) north of the Rio grand is in the top 8% of the world income bracket, so technically correct.

    Chilo said she would gladly fly Red and Black if it got her goodies - And therer in lies the rub - Once you have too many "Have nots" it is too difficult to coach them to get into practices that make them sustainable "Haves". A delicate balance. And once a society falls down the have not ditch it is a bugger to crawl out, if ever... As Dec 1972 shows..
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