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Thread: They Tried to Steal my Grits

  1. #1
    Viejo del Foro Just Plain John Wayne's Avatar
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    Default They Tried to Steal my Grits

    They triedto steal my Grits

    Living inNicaragua is kinda like living in Canada. I am here to tell you that you justare not gone find any Grits in either place. I know because I have friends inCanada that always ask me “Hey JW you need anything muled down there?”

    I always askfor Grits and they go and look, and there ain’t none to be had there and I getthe reply, “Must be a Southern thing because I cannot find any”. Some gringofriends had brought me down some from time to time over the years, but never aCanadian friend. To them they don’t exsist.

    So I had tomake a quick trip to Tampa on a personal matter and decided to get me 10 poundsof Grits and put them in my carry on back pack and bring them back to Nicaraguawith me.

    Now I dohave a little age on me and 7 years ago got operated on and got left withvertigo. I walk like a drunken longshoreman, but I have not fallen down as yet,but I know it is coming sooner or later. (I just hope I land well)

    Coming thruthat TSA mess at the airport to board an international flight was a trip initself. I had my great grandmother’s walking stick (cane) and the back packwith the Grits in it and it all went thru one of them machines, but theoperator said “Sir, what you got in this back pack? Would you open it for me?”

    I said “Son,I got 10 pounds of Quaker Grits and a new Confederate Flag in that back pack”,and showed him, I asked him, “It ain’t against the law yet is it?. He said “NoSir, you have a nice flight and enjoy them Grits” and I thanked him and toldhim I would.

    Got toNicaragua on the red eye flight and they didn’t give a hoot what I had because Ihad nothing to claim. Hell, I ain’t never figured that one out, they ask me thesame thing at the airport in the States, “Sir do you have anything to claim?” Igive them a puzzled look and say I claim myself is that ok?” and they pass meon to the next stage.

    So I gethome to my humble wooden shack in the suburbs of living on the edge of atropical rain Forrest. I have running water in the house, electricity, and bathroomsboth upstairs and downstairs and a Frigidaire to keep things cold.

    My mommaalways kept her Grits in the Frigidaire, in the freezer part or down below. Shetold me it keeps the bugs out of them, so I put one 5 pound package up top inthe freezer part in several plastic bags and the other I poured in one of themESKIMO ½ gallon plastic ice cream containers and wrote plainly on it GRITS onthe red screw on top in black capital letters (No Pun intended for those in theknow) and also wrote GRITS on the white bucket part of it and kept it in thebottom part of the Frigidaire door.

    And so thispast Friday night I for some reason was a bit stressed out and took me a halfof a sleeping pill I have a prescription of and laid down about 8:30, read alittle of a book and drifted away. My daughter and daughter in law was upstairsa watching a movie. Now the upstairs has 4 bedrooms and no one living in them since the olderchildren are in the States having gotten their High School finished; havejoined the work force of the USA legally. They have that Birthright.

    I slept likea log, got up at 3:00 AM and in going to take a whiz I noticed my lap topcomputer was not on my desk in my room, nor any of the do-dads that go with it.I figured the girls had it upstairs using it to play a DVD.

    Walked outin the main room of the house and the steel front door was open. I went tohollering at the girls about leaving the door open. NO Daddy said my daughter,I locked it last night. Went upstairs… NO wide screen 40 inch TV. Twas Gone withthe wind, just the cable a hanging there from the cable TV people.

    My daughterin law flips out and calls her husband in Tampa, for whatever good that wouldhave done. I went to call the justice of the peace of the neighborhood andnoticed my cell phone gone. So they called my Ex-wife who lives right acrossthe street from him and she sent my Husband-in-Law, (her new man Thank God) totell the Justice. He ordered him (The Husband-in-Law) to wake the otherVigilantes that work with him and let’s find who broke in “Mista John’s” houseand see if we can get his things back.

    They foundone of them, and with a little coaxing (I am not going to go into detail herewith the coaxing part, just use your imagination) one of the thieves gave upthe other one and they went and got him.

    At 6:00 AMthey sent for me to walk up to the gas station where is parked a semi truck andtrailer the National police use as a sub station. It is about 300 yards from myhouse.

    Got there withmy daughter and a young man was on his knees cuffed with his hands in front ofhim crying and whimpering. The ring leader.

    He started atelling me I’m sorry, it won’t ever happen again, and please forgive me” Iasked the police, how old is this Cornhole? 18 was the reply and he is alreadya career criminal. We couldn’t do anything with him before because he was aminor.

    I looked athim and told him, you done messed with the wrong man, I am an Old Dog and anold dog don’t play around with young puppies. I am going to try and get yoursorry ass sent to prison in Tipitopa for how ever many years the law allows. IFand I say if you are turned back on the streets, do not ever come near my home,I will consider you doing this as a threat to me and will shoot you with my.45, even in the street.

    So theJustice of the peace had found two of the criminals and most of my things. I saidlook there is still some missing items and these Cornholes sat under one of my coconuttrees back in the shadows and opened more than 12 or 14, drank the water andsplit them open and ate the meat inside, there was more than just two thieves.

    Had to haveanother question and answer session with them the Justice did, and they gave upthe 3rd accomplice. Police went and picked him up and the rest ofitems.

    The Policephotographed the stolen goods, they were returned to me including the 700cordobas (National Money) that was taken from my pants pocket in my bedroom by8:00 AM. But I had to sign a paper against them and go and look for proof I ownedthe items, which I did.

    But in theprocess of the Police coming to the house and taking photos of where theyentered and how, my daughter asked me, “Daddy what is your little bucket ofGrits doing here beside the front door?”

    I will be aSon of a Gun, they had gone inside the Frigidaire as well and got the bucket ofGrits thinking it was Ice cream and forgot it at the door. But they never evengot the corned beef brisket or the ham I had in curing brine right there on theshelf. Plus they did steal my sugar container that had 10 pounds of sugar init. The Police asked me for coffee, I made it for them and said, I only havemilk to go in it, NO sugar, they got that too.

    So all inall I thank the Good Lord my daughter, daughter-in-law and myself lived thru it,it could have been worse…. Amen
    Last edited by Just Plain John Wayne; 03-26-2017 at 06:35 AM.
    To be called a "Has Been" I must surmise, is much Greater than to be called a "Nevah Been"... JW...



  2. #2

    Default Re: They Tried to Steal my Grits

    Always great to hear everything in ok out on the coast!
    I originally had some wild idea of settling in some coco tree invested little burg, but fortunately I got bogged down in the ghetto...

    "Support mental health or I'll break your head"


  3. #3
    House SOB Little Corn Tom's Avatar
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    Default Re: They Tried to Steal my Grits

    Just another day in paradise with a happy ending, eh John?

    Where were the dogs?
    Last edited by Little Corn Tom; 03-26-2017 at 08:55 AM.
    Life's different here ... It's a whole 'nother pace.

  4. #4
    Para aquí para acá Jonh's Avatar
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    Default Re: They Tried to Steal my Grits

    Some of your Feisbuk friends thought you'd be safer in the US.

  5. #5
    Viejo del Foro Daddy-YO's Avatar
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    Default Re: They Tried to Steal my Grits

    In the US 3 young ghetto hoods would have killed a man "with a little age on him" living with 2 girls for a 40 inch TV, cellphone and cash. The Good Shepard did watch over y'all. And better He made Mista John well-connected with the "vigilantes" and the law in that town to catch the perps & get everything - but the sugar - back before the day's end. Unbelievably rapid justice - for anywhere in the world.

    In other posts on TRN we've talked about the plague of petty - and not so petty - thievery in Nicaragua. Your experience is an example for us all. Of course, preventing it from happening to begin with is still a goal for most. So . . . how did they get in? And as LCT asked, your dogs? Did they wait for you to return figuring there'd be more loot?
    I never met a Semite I didn't like.

  6. #6

    Default Re: They Tried to Steal my Grits

    Well, depends
    This happened 3 houses away from where I stayed briefly a couple years ago during a family medical emergency.
    The liberal press is covering for the fact this was an illegal restaurant catering to immigrants and seemed to have a gang-banger clientele.
    http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/l...nap-story.html
    Quote Originally Posted by Jonh View Post
    Some of your Feisbuk friends thought you'd be safer in the US.

    "Support mental health or I'll break your head"


  7. #7
    Para aquí para acá Jonh's Avatar
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    Default Re: They Tried to Steal my Grits

    As long as you avoid gangs, cartels, and jihadists, America is a fairly safe place.

  8. #8

    Default Re: They Tried to Steal my Grits

    Quote Originally Posted by Just Plain John Wayne View Post
    They triedto steal my Grits

    Living inNicaragua is kinda like living in Canada. I am here to tell you that you justare not gone find any Grits in either place. I know because I have friends inCanada that always ask me “Hey JW you need anything muled down there?”

    I always askfor Grits and they go and look, and there ain’t none to be had there and I getthe reply, “Must be a Southern thing because I cannot find any”. Some gringofriends had brought me down some from time to time over the years, but never aCanadian friend. To them they don’t exsist.

    So I had tomake a quick trip to Tampa on a personal matter and decided to get me 10 poundsof Grits and put them in my carry on back pack and bring them back to Nicaraguawith me.

    Now I dohave a little age on me and 7 years ago got operated on and got left withvertigo. I walk like a drunken longshoreman, but I have not fallen down as yet,but I know it is coming sooner or later. (I just hope I land well)

    Coming thruthat TSA mess at the airport to board an international flight was a trip initself. I had my great grandmother’s walking stick (cane) and the back packwith the Grits in it and it all went thru one of them machines, but theoperator said “Sir, what you got in this back pack? Would you open it for me?”

    I said “Son,I got 10 pounds of Quaker Grits and a new Confederate Flag in that back pack”,and showed him, I asked him, “It ain’t against the law yet is it?. He said “NoSir, you have a nice flight and enjoy them Grits” and I thanked him and toldhim I would.

    Got toNicaragua on the red eye flight and they didn’t give a hoot what I had because Ihad nothing to claim. Hell, I ain’t never figured that one out, they ask me thesame thing at the airport in the States, “Sir do you have anything to claim?” Igive them a puzzled look and say I claim myself is that ok?” and they pass meon to the next stage.

    So I gethome to my humble wooden shack in the suburbs of living on the edge of atropical rain Forrest. I have running water in the house, electricity, and bathroomsboth upstairs and downstairs and a Frigidaire to keep things cold.

    My mommaalways kept her Grits in the Frigidaire, in the freezer part or down below. Shetold me it keeps the bugs out of them, so I put one 5 pound package up top inthe freezer part in several plastic bags and the other I poured in one of themESKIMO ½ gallon plastic ice cream containers and wrote plainly on it GRITS onthe red screw on top in black capital letters (No Pun intended for those in theknow) and also wrote GRITS on the white bucket part of it and kept it in thebottom part of the Frigidaire door.

    And so thispast Friday night I for some reason was a bit stressed out and took me a halfof a sleeping pill I have a prescription of and laid down about 8:30, read alittle of a book and drifted away. My daughter and daughter in law was upstairsa watching a movie. Now the upstairs has 4 bedrooms and no one living in them since the olderchildren are in the States having gotten their High School finished; havejoined the work force of the USA legally. They have that Birthright.

    I slept likea log, got up at 3:00 AM and in going to take a whiz I noticed my lap topcomputer was not on my desk in my room, nor any of the do-dads that go with it.I figured the girls had it upstairs using it to play a DVD.

    Walked outin the main room of the house and the steel front door was open. I went tohollering at the girls about leaving the door open. NO Daddy said my daughter,I locked it last night. Went upstairs… NO wide screen 40 inch TV. Twas Gone withthe wind, just the cable a hanging there from the cable TV people.

    My daughterin law flips out and calls her husband in Tampa, for whatever good that wouldhave done. I went to call the justice of the peace of the neighborhood andnoticed my cell phone gone. So they called my Ex-wife who lives right acrossthe street from him and she sent my Husband-in-Law, (her new man Thank God) totell the Justice. He ordered him (The Husband-in-Law) to wake the otherVigilantes that work with him and let’s find who broke in “Mista John’s” houseand see if we can get his things back.

    They foundone of them, and with a little coaxing (I am not going to go into detail herewith the coaxing part, just use your imagination) one of the thieves gave upthe other one and they went and got him.

    At 6:00 AMthey sent for me to walk up to the gas station where is parked a semi truck andtrailer the National police use as a sub station. It is about 300 yards from myhouse.

    Got there withmy daughter and a young man was on his knees cuffed with his hands in front ofhim crying and whimpering. The ring leader.

    He started atelling me I’m sorry, it won’t ever happen again, and please forgive me” Iasked the police, how old is this Cornhole? 18 was the reply and he is alreadya career criminal. We couldn’t do anything with him before because he was aminor.

    I looked athim and told him, you done messed with the wrong man, I am an Old Dog and anold dog don’t play around with young puppies. I am going to try and get yoursorry ass sent to prison in Tipitopa for how ever many years the law allows. IFand I say if you are turned back on the streets, do not ever come near my home,I will consider you doing this as a threat to me and will shoot you with my.45, even in the street.

    So theJustice of the peace had found two of the criminals and most of my things. I saidlook there is still some missing items and these Cornholes sat under one of my coconuttrees back in the shadows and opened more than 12 or 14, drank the water andsplit them open and ate the meat inside, there was more than just two thieves.

    Had to haveanother question and answer session with them the Justice did, and they gave upthe 3rd accomplice. Police went and picked him up and the rest ofitems.

    The Policephotographed the stolen goods, they were returned to me including the 700cordobas (National Money) that was taken from my pants pocket in my bedroom by8:00 AM. But I had to sign a paper against them and go and look for proof I ownedthe items, which I did.

    But in theprocess of the Police coming to the house and taking photos of where theyentered and how, my daughter asked me, “Daddy what is your little bucket ofGrits doing here beside the front door?”

    I will be aSon of a Gun, they had gone inside the Frigidaire as well and got the bucket ofGrits thinking it was Ice cream and forgot it at the door. But they never evengot the corned beef brisket or the ham I had in curing brine right there on theshelf. Plus they did steal my sugar container that had 10 pounds of sugar init. The Police asked me for coffee, I made it for them and said, I only havemilk to go in it, NO sugar, they got that too.

    So all inall I thank the Good Lord my daughter, daughter-in-law and myself lived thru it,it could have been worse…. Amen


    Great story as always!!
    One of the great things about Nicaragua is,, they still have question and answer sessions!!

    I need to bring the local PN some donuts from PriceSmart my next trip to Managua . .
    Pay forward,, so to speak . . for the inevitable question and answer session.

    But,, truly,, you need one of those cheap Harbor Freight alarms.

    Glad you're back,, place isn't the same without your stories.
    Everyone is getting real sick of looking at pictures of my pigs.

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