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Thread: So,, You Hear . . . . . .

  1. #1

    Default So,, You Hear . . . . . .

    "That big pig bit me on my d!%k"

    You are:

    1. In a low end bar in Oklaholma City ,

    2. On your back on a Farm in Nicaragua ?

    I suppose that it could be either.
    But,, that girl in Okie City is not going to have the teeth of a sow in Nicaragua.
    And,, yes there is a picture.
    Hopefully it meets TRN's decency standards.

    But,, I haven't posted for a while,, there is a lot of catching up to do. . . .

    We have been incredibly busy. A few things worked when we got here,, many did not.
    I have been gone since last September.

    Krisnia swore that there was hot water.
    There was not. But the batteries were well charged, the animals were all here.

    There was a year's (well,, almost) worth of trash that had to go to the dump.

    We decided that Shelley would suffer with the Ford F150, so we bought her a Mahindra. Smaller footprint, 4 x 4, diesel, double cab. Most of the paperwork has been done. It's in the paint shop now,, I've been promised a showroom exterior when it's finished. We have a Managua run to extend the permiso on the Ford, and a trip to PriceSmart for essentials on the 21st, and maybe some fun time in Las Peñitas. The Mahindra will be ready when we come back through Estelí.

    I'm going to tow my white and brown F250's to Estelí this week. And then,, the brown one. We're going to make one good one out of the two. So,, when I return I'll have a freshly painted, Ford F250, 4x4, for the heavy lifting.

    New 5KW inverter starts and runs everything, so far.
    I haven't tried welding with it,, and probably won't.
    The new welders are all inverter,, mostly,, and don't have those enormous spikes when the arc breaks.

    New washer, had the old one fixed (bearings) and gave it to Javier. I fixed the old dryer by taking apart the control unit, and it's been running great. We'll see what PriceSmart has. I bought the washer from Gallo mas Gallo,, they matched a price offer from Curacao . A Whirlpool,, made in Mexico. There is a matching Whirlpool dryer, just need my price, and I have some time now.

    New stove and refri,, gave the old ones to Javier.
    We bought both almost ten years ago.
    I replaced the noisy fan in the refri, they were both Mabe brand.

    Krisnia has moved on.
    It was time,, and with Shelley here full time now, it just seemed best.
    La Lima is a small,, conservative community.
    A polygamist community similar to the one north of Jinotega is not going to fly here.

    I gave it one last shot:
    I pitched the idea of a reality show in which they would star, Sister Wives of Nicaragua.
    A combination of Green Acres, Big Love, and Survivor Nicaragua.

    "You mean,, like with competitions, like survivor?" asked Shelley.
    "Not exactly"

    "You mean,, I'd be on television in Nicaragua?" asked Krisnia.
    "Well, eventually,, if the program makes it to syndication"

    "What's syndication?"

    I saw myself as a Jeff Probst type figure,, just not as weasly.
    Or maybe the Mormon patriarch in The Dutchess and the Dirt Water Fox

    "One day on,, six days off"
    was Goldie Hahn's explanation to the Fox as to why she was going Mormon.

    It was perfect, we had Gaylord,, the blue eyed gay Beraco for the LGBTQ connection
    I had sketched out an episode where an African American Peace Corp worker comes to La Lima to teach basic hygiene, and has this fleeting lesbian connection to Krisnia.

    I was touching all the bases
    AOC would have been proud.

    Alas, it was not to be.
    So, we all parted friends.

    Shelley is really happy to be here full time, and that is all that counts.

    So,, you're waiting for the pig story !!

    And,, well you should be.

    This morning, Gabriél, one of my La Lima neighbors showed up to buy a couple of pigs.
    He was here a week ago,, I told him to come back in a week, the sow was still nursing.
    Those little suckers got really big in a week.

    Gabriel managed to grab one of the two he wanted, and got it in a sack, handed me the sack and I headed up the hill to safety. The sow was having none of it. She was nipping at my heels, tripped me, and I fell over on my back. I managed to hold onto the piglet,, Gabriel saw my distress and drove off the sow with a tree branch,, but not before she nipped at my exposed crotch.

    I got out of there, we put the pig in another sack with a hole for its head, and went down for the other. We get the other by couple of back legs,, while the first managed to get out of his sack, and heads back to its mother. Gabriel ties the hind legs of the second, and we go down for the first, again.

    At this point,, the sow is really upset. Shelley comes down to help, we keep the sow at bay while we corner the first and get him in a sack. Gabriel ties the tops of the two sacks together,, slings them over his saddle, we exchange some pleasantries (I can't understand a word he says, he's puro campo), and he rides off with the pigs hanging from his saddle.

    I had assumed the sow has just bruised me,, but looking, I found a two inch laceration,, about an eighth of an inch deep, that looked like it had been cut by a sharp knife. She managed to get the point of a tooth through my Levis. Shelley decided that the laceration wasn't deep enough for stitches, and cleaned it and applied a topical antibiotic.

    My right boot has a hole where I kicked back at her, but she didn't manage to get the tooth into my foot.
    >>>>>>> In retrospect.. I should have just let the piglet go

    The boots I wear are Muck brand, pretty sturdy. The hole I can just have fixed with a tire patch,, like the patch you see to the left of where the sow chomped down.

    Other than the above,, my life has been uneventful.
    I'm looking forward to a quiet week on the farm before we have to leave for Managua.
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  2. #2
    Para aquí para acá Jonh's Avatar
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    Default Re: So,, You Hear . . . . . .

    Ahh, TRN. Home of pig wrestling, threesomes, and dick pics.

    No, Hunter Biden has not bought the website!

  3. #3
    Viejo del Foro Daddy-YO's Avatar
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    Philly - León
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    Default Re: So,, You Hear . . . . . .

    OK Pirate, your pig bit your dick and Krisnia left you, but you compensated with some new appliances. Does that work as the Readers' Digest condensate?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jonh View Post
    No, Hunter Biden has not bought the website!
    Why bother? Daddy's Silicon buddies can steal it for him, should he hook up with some fine Nica poontang, and wants to learn what he's into.

  4. #4
    Viejo del Foro el duende grande's Avatar
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    Aug 2008
    near Esteli
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    Default Re: So,, You Hear . . . . . .

    Somehow the "smiling faces" expats on other webpages never get into the real nitty gritty of life here.

    On a sad note, we learned that a neighbor was mauled by a pit bull during the holidays. Lean upbeat woman maybe in her 50s-60s, (as an American it is hard for me to estimate ages of people who are not obese). I hear it involved surgery and skin grafts. I have not seen her since, I don't go to their house because that half of the block is patrolled by a large German Shepard. My little blond dog is in love with him and they chat frequently, but I keep my distance. I hear the police were not involved and the pit bull was moved to another neighborhood. So, now I carry a machete on my cardio walk...

    Most of the neighborhood dogs are friendly or leave when you pick up a rock, but there are a lot of big dogs bought for protection who are not trained but not let out of their yards. We had to call another neighbor on the phone this week. My wife got chased back into the gate by a huge shepard. She says she only made it in by throwing the padlock at him. His daddy bit 3 people that we know of before he was sentenced to life imprisonment in his yard. The kid is usually much nicer but runs with the wrong crowd.

    "Support mental health or I'll break your head"

    ...with a 6 foot stick and mask and gloves....

  5. #5
    House SOB Little Corn Tom's Avatar
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    Pompano Beach, Florida
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    Default Re: So,, You Hear . . . . . .

    As a kid, I had many paper routes and was required to deliver papers on my bike and put the paper in the front door.
    A huge problem existed with German Shepard's and Boxers attacking me, often tearing my clothes and my skin.
    My Mom got tired of it and armed me with a squirt gun full of diluted ammonia water.
    Worked like a charm.
    Life's different here ... It's a whole 'nother pace.

  6. #6
    Viejo del Foro el duende grande's Avatar
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    Default Re: So,, You Hear . . . . . .

    Ah, ammonia. reminds me of a roommate of mine. I found a bottle of booze of mine with only one 1 shot left. That is not how I do things, I would have drunk the last shot and bought a new bottle. Enraged, I partially filled the bottle with ammonia, let's see who the booze thief is!!!

    But ,alas, I chickened out and threw it away. I was afraid the drunken POS would die or something and the mamby-pamby police would hold be culpable or something. We soon parted ways over other issues. I have a very low DTL (drunk tolerance level) in general.

    Sounds like the ammonia water might be a good plan and I mentioned it to the little woman. But historically and on the Viking movies I have never seen ammonia used this way!

    "Support mental health or I'll break your head"

    ...with a 6 foot stick and mask and gloves....

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