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Thread: Dog Training

  1. #1
    House SOB Little Corn Tom's Avatar
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    Default Dog Training

    I always liked to tell this story because I figured that training kids was pretty much like training any other animal, and vice versa. And I told my son this story when he was very, very young and I never had a problem with him.

    Well, this was in my gentleman farming days in Ohio back in the mid 70's. Readin Mother Earth News and figuring out what to do with my 57 acres.

    These two Beagle puppies showed up one morning as I was leaving to go to work. Since they were both females, I guess someone just dropped them off on the roadside and they (the dogs) made their way to my farmhouse. There is nothing cuter than a Beagle puppy.

    So I put them in the barn for safe keeping until I came home that evening. They were real glad to see me and the food that I bought down at the mill. They seemed like real nice dogs but I do not think they had been treated very well because when I went to pet them, they did not know how to react, even though they wanted to be petted. One would moan like crazy and the other one would piss herself.

    So ... I was gonna name them Piss and Moan, but my wife would have none of that so we settled on Mona and Whizzer.

    Well I really liked the idea of having some rare breed chickens running around the place, so I mail ordered about 50 mixed chickens from Missouri. I had done this the previous year and two big dogs running loose were found in my barn and they had killed all of my chickens. So I shot the mothers.

    Then one weekend I came home and found that about 6 of my chickens were killed by Mona and Whizzer. They were all in the front yard. Dogs, dead chickens and feathers everywhere. Man was I pissed. Now I thought that the "fair" thing would be to shoot those two but I could not bring myself to do that, so I figured that I needed to resort to some drastic training to make sure we had no more problems and that the dogs learned that they were not allowed to kill my chickens.

    So I immediately tied both dogs to a tree with a 6 inch leash. They were not too happy at this point. Then I beat the living shit out of them with a dead chicken. Then I stuffed a dead chicken under each of their collars and left them there for the rest of the night.

    The next morining I let them go, fed them their food and everything was fine from then on. And they never bothered my chickens again.

    Now some of you may call me names and think I was cruel, but look at it from the chickens point of view. Anyway they turned out to be great animals and companions and I always miss them.

    Oh yeah, two things....

    My son knew this story by heart and I guess he figured that he would rather not be tied to a tree or anything close to it and turned out to be a great person with no teenage issues and problems to contend with.

    The other thing is that after my son graduated from college, I was single and out on a first date with this lady. We had lunch and discussed things and she mentioned her troubles with her kids. Well, dumbass me jumps in with my story about training kids just like dogs and told her about my dog training / chicken story.

    As she got out of my car at the end of the date, she paused, leaned in and said "Tom, let me give you some advice. Do not ever tell that story to any other woman on a first, second or third date".

    Never saw her again .... go figure.
    Life's different here ... It's a whole 'nother pace.

  2. #2

    Default

    hahaha! You have any good stories to tell a daughter?

    My daughter is only 5, but I have to get ready for those "special" years.

    My wife and I got her on video tape with her right arm in the air swearing that she will never kiss the Chavalos till she is at least 32 years old. Very Funny video.

  3. #3
    Viejo del Foro Just Plain John Wayne's Avatar
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    Default

    Tom, that was a Dam (and not the river kind) Good story.

    I especially liked the begining about kids and other Animals...

    And if a woman on a first or what ever date did not know how to deal with this story, She won't no good anyway....
    To be called a "Has Been" I must surmise, is much Greater than to be called a "Nevah Been"... JW...



  4. #4
    House SOB Little Corn Tom's Avatar
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    Default 3frijoles said ..

    3frijoles said .. hahaha! You have any good stories to tell a daughter?

    Well no but one thing that I did always do when my son was growing up was this:

    When I would tuck him into bed at night, I would tell him a story about my life (and this is important) when I was his age. So if he was 5, I would try to remember what i was doing at 5, and 6 and 7 and so on. I figured that it would give him some sense of continuity and maybe some appreciation of how things have changed. He also got to see that I lived through some of the same things that he is dealing with like school bullies and things like that. It only took about 5 minutes and was well worth it.
    Life's different here ... It's a whole 'nother pace.

  5. #5
    Viejo del Foro Just Plain John Wayne's Avatar
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    Default That is correct Tom

    Just 5 minutes of puting your self at their level.

    My Daughter Xena now 8, and the little neighbor boy got caught in, show me yours and I'll show you mine thing..

    I had this talk with her, Sweetheart, Sexy things are for grown ups and I know you are courious about these things, but you need to wait till you are an adult.

    we have Sat TV and this exposes them to what I would not like for them to see and hear but it is going to happen, and I want to educate her in taking care of herself, really she does come to me with questions and like Tom said, need to do a little flash back into time, get on their level and just talk with them on that level, they are not stupid.
    To be called a "Has Been" I must surmise, is much Greater than to be called a "Nevah Been"... JW...



  6. #6
    Santana
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    Default oh my

    Well Tom, I tend to agree with that women ...........and no I won't date you either

    and stop laughing JW..you're 86ed as well :shock:

  7. #7
    Viejo del Foro Just Plain John Wayne's Avatar
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    Default

    Are you a mind reader or what? How did you know I was laughing?
    To be called a "Has Been" I must surmise, is much Greater than to be called a "Nevah Been"... JW...



  8. #8
    Santana
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    Default I'm Mistress of the Universe

    and also pyschic (not pyscho ...I know what you're thinking)

    :roll:

  9. #9
    Viejo del Foro Just Plain John Wayne's Avatar
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    Default Reminds me of

    One cold morinig at my Farmer Grand Mothers house, Toms story does.

    I went out in the back yard and started up the old Pontiac and the most feroucious squalling and rasing of Sand went on under the hood of that car.

    Dam Cat had gone to sleep on the engine and when I started it, he got hung up in the belts and fan of the motor...

    He was in pretty bad shape and my 'ole Grandma brought me a hammer and said, "take this son, and go on and fininsh 'em off"....
    To be called a "Has Been" I must surmise, is much Greater than to be called a "Nevah Been"... JW...



  10. #10
    Santana
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    Default I don't think so!

    not phunny...nice try!

    :cry:

  11. #11
    Viejo del Foro Just Plain John Wayne's Avatar
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    Default

    Come on, You a city Girl, and therefore have a different background, I did not expect you to enjoy this bit of reality....

    But this is to how it is too, in the "RealNicaragua"
    To be called a "Has Been" I must surmise, is much Greater than to be called a "Nevah Been"... JW...



  12. #12
    House SOB Little Corn Tom's Avatar
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    Default Yeah ..

    My sister did that. Her girlfriends cat took a snooze under er hood and she thought she heard something "funny" so she drove over to the local filling station to check it out. Cat guts and parts and shit everywhere.
    Life's different here ... It's a whole 'nother pace.

  13. #13
    Viejo del Foro Just Plain John Wayne's Avatar
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    Default

    ROFLMCO.... Small world ain't it? LOL
    To be called a "Has Been" I must surmise, is much Greater than to be called a "Nevah Been"... JW...



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