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Thread: You know you're a gringa in Nica when.....

  1. #1
    TRN Member Gypsytoes's Avatar
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    Default You know you're a gringa in Nica when.....

    I wrote this when I lived on Ometepe Island

    You Know You're a Gringa in Nica When.....

    ... you don't ask " How much does it cost?"
    ... you boil your water before you drink it.
    ... you take a tab of Dramamine to go grocery shopping
    in Rivas
    ... your refrigerator is full of peanut butter and grape
    jelly
    ... you have a refrigerator
    ... you throw away leftovers
    ... you wear white socks to the black sand beach
    ... you throw your toilet paper in the toilet
    ... you gather wood for a camp fire and whittle sticks
    to roast marshmallows
    ... you ask, "Where's the dump?" or "When do they pick
    up your garbage?"
    ... you tip toe around the animal manure all over the
    roads
    ... you wear underwear and a bra in the tropics
    ... your skin starts peeling from heavy applications of
    Deet
    ... squealing pigs disturb your sleep at 5 am
    ... the sight of an AK-47 scares you
    ... you inspect your bowel movements with binoculars and
    a flashlight for signs of worms ... you have binoculars
    and a flashlight
    ... you resort to reading an Awake magazine given to you
    by a Jehovah Witness tourist because it's in English.
    ... eating fish heads appall you
    ... you refuse to eat one more bite of greasy tasteless
    gallo pinto
    ... you have spices in your kitchen and you actually use
    them
    ... you heat water to wash your clothes, your dishes,
    and your body, that is, when you have running water
    ... you think hot water sanitizes and cleans everything

    ... you ask ridiculous questions like, "Where is the
    water treatment plant?" or "Do you recycle plastic
    bags?"
    ... it takes you all day to scrub one pair of filthy
    dirty socks
    ... you catch fish with a fishing pole, just for fun
    ... you have an electronic fish finder
    ... you're frustrated with daily power outages
    ... you ask, "Why don't they do it this way? It would
    save a lot of time."
    ... you wear a wrist watch to bed
    ... you can't understand why they eat green plantains
    ... you think flip-flops are only for the beach
    ... you think words such as stability and
    accountability are synonymous with a government
    ... you think a pay-off is your last mortgage payment
    ... you think you need a prescription for drugs
    ... you wonder if OSHA regulates the kitchens of the
    street vendors and USDA inspects the fly infested meat
    hanging in the markets
    ... you miss the weather report, hot and sunny, or hot
    and rainy isn't very interesting.
    ... it's Sunday and all you want to do is read a big fat
    Sunday paper at the Waffle House
    ... you wonder "Where's my mailbox?
    ... you ask directions in Managua expecting street
    names and numbers
    ... you use words like, text me and IM me.
    ... when you ask weather related questions like "When's
    the wind going to stop?" or "When's the rain going to
    stop?"
    ... you think a machete is used only for hacking down
    coconuts
    ... you're amused at what's written on all the Goodwill
    t-shirts worn in Nicaragua because you can read them.
    ... you miss your dishwasher, washing machine, high
    speed internet connection, and lawnmower more than your
    family
    ... you spend $1,000 to have your dog's leg mended in
    the USA and you don't give it a second thought
    ... you consider your dog to be a member of your family

    ... you ask, "What do you mean by `gringo prices'?
    ... you wonder if there is an emergency broadcasting
    system for a hurricane or the eruption of active Vulcan
    Concepcion
    ... you wonder what happens if you dial 911
    ... you ask your neighbor, "Where is your smoke
    detector?"
    ... you're the only house in the neighborhood with
    guidebooks and maps of Nicaragua plastered on your walls

    ... you've never been stung by a scorpion or experienced
    a numb tongue as a result
    ... you think a gusano is a very pretty, defenseless
    caterpillar
    ... you're enchanted by the beauty and at the same time,
    disgusted by the litter
    ... you think the word `adios' means goodbye
    ... you're surprised by how many people one bicycle can
    carry and dumbfounded at the sight of a woman nursing
    her baby while sitting on the steel carrier at the rear
    of the bike.
    ... you've missed the last bus home, it's dark, and
    you're afraid to ride in the back of an old pickup truck
    loaded with people because you might get dirty
    ... a pig runs through the middle of a high school
    graduation ceremony and you wonder why no one laughs
    ... two bony dogs are copulating in the middle of main
    street and you wonder why no one notices
    ... your family wants to know what to send you for
    Christmas, and you ask for mouse traps, a squeegee mop,
    and books... any kind, as long as they're in English
    ... you tell Nicaraguans, "I'm an American."
    ... you pinch your nose shut at the toxic smell of
    burning plastic
    ... you think the Laundromat is actually a building with
    washing machines and dryers
    ... you find yourself
    buying things because they're so cheap, not because you
    need them
    ... you have no understanding of `crimes of
    opportunity'
    ... you have a garden because you like green vegetables
    and you eat lettuce with your salad.
    ... you've never seen a skinny pig before
    ... you wonder why they call the old school buses
    `chicken buses'
    and you think they take the kids to school
    ... you thought a traffic jam consisted of cars, not a
    herd of cattle with forked sticks protruding from their
    necks, sixteen piglets chasing swaying titties, horses,
    or scavenging dogs
    ... you teach the old begging woman sitting in front of
    Pali grocery store how to pronounce "I see moonies"
    correctly instead of giving her a few pesos
    ... the repetitive thumping thing they call music is too
    loud and too annoying
    ... you thought fire works were only for the Fourth of
    July and the deafening explosions were always
    accompanied by displays of twinkling, colored lights
    ... you use candles as a decorative, romantic touch in
    your house
    ... you think every Nicaraguan hated Somoza's 46 year
    reign of abusive power
    ... you think the word `petroglyph' is the Spanish name
    for gasoline
    ... you think papayas are small, expensive fruits
    ... you miss the Super bowl and Sunday football games
    on TV
    ... you laugh at their silly superstitions, and make
    fun of the monkey ladies, the duendes, and the Chupa
    Cabra
    ... you pity the islanders for enduring poverty,
    destitution, earthquakes, and war
    ... you think there is hopelessness in their lives
    ... you isolate yourself from their culture
    ... you refuse to speak their language

    ... you think everyone should learn English
    ... you think the American way is the answer to
    everything.
    ... you surround yourself with other gringos because
    it's familiar and comfortable
    ... you buy all their land and post no trespassing
    signs along the border
    ... you perpetuate the fallacy that all gringos are
    rich

    You know you're really a gringo when ---
    .... you assume ... anything
    you take for granted ...
    everything and you learn nothing about yourself after
    living on a primitive island, in the middle of a huge
    lake, in the middle of Nicaragua, in the middle of
    Central America.

  2. #2
    Viejo del Foro El Greco's Avatar
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    Default Re: You know you're a gringa in Nica when.....

    You know you're gringo when you actually throw away the trash in the trash can, If there's one around.
    Dios es Amor!

  3. #3
    TRN Surgeon General El Doc's Avatar
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    Default Re: You know you're a gringa in Nica when.....

    Great writing!
    "Un Estado que no se rigiera según la justicia se reduciría a una gran banda de ladrones." --San Agustín

  4. #4
    Viejo del Foro El Greco's Avatar
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    Default Re: You know you're a gringa in Nica when.....

    The first thing I said when I went back to Nicaragua after living most of my life in the USA was(get me out of here!!!!) I thought I was in another planet, but after a while even thought the poverty shocked me, I saw it was a very interesting place, now whenever I return to Nicaland I feel like relaxed specially when My Family and I take a drive through the country side...(I still think El Mercado Oriental is disgusting)
    Dios es Amor!

  5. #5
    Active TRN Member marnica's Avatar
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    Matagalpa, Nicaragua
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    Default Re: You know you're a gringa in Nica when.....

    You know you are a gringo when you have to pay the tab.
    You know you are a gringo when you are the only one that waits their turn in a line.
    You know you are a gringo when you’re the only one wearing shorts and T-shirt in town.
    You know you are a gringo when you have a dog as a pet.
    You know you are a gringo when you say “hey what happened to the lights.”
    You know you are a gringo when you say “well its still a democracy isn’t it?”
    You know you are a gringo when you say “Cordoba, what’s that in real money?”
    And you really know you are a gringo when some young guy says to you “Dame tu billetera” and you answer “Sorry son I don’t speak Spanish.”
    Here in the real world they're shutting Detroit down.

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