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Thread: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

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    TRN Surgeon General El Doc's Avatar
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    Default How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    When La Baby Doc went back to the old country to visit, she stopped in to see my parents across the border as well. Mom, as always, sent a few items down for her "white sheep in the family" son who is always trotting around the world. They call me that because the other white sheep in the family is my old man, and he also has a passion for moving around and seeing something new whenever he can. The rest of them are homebodies who hate to fly, hate to travel, and would never try to learn a foreign language.

    So anyway, two of those items sent were Obama t-shirts. Now you have to understand mom. She grew up in Mississippi during Jim Crow and was fire-hosed, tear gassed, billy clubbed and arrested during the marches, diner sit-ins, voter registration drives, and sometimes just plain going to school. She's still deathly afraid of German Shepherds to this day. Despite the fact that they gave her a high-school diploma, she was functionally illiterate well into her 30s. She learned to read at the same time I did in grade school (from my books and tutoring). That was how it was done back then. Blacks spent most of their time in the cotton fields, not school. The schools only gave them diplomas so that they could tell the federal government that they were educating their negroes.

    To her, the election of Obama is a big deal. Even my centenarian injun grandmother went out to vote for the first time in 30 years. To a half-breed Navy brat like myself, it takes more than melanin to get my support. I don't bother to tell her any of that because I understand we're using two different yardsticks. To her, this means America has finally gotten past its racist past, and that was the most important issue in her life. She lost two brothers to lynchings and one house to KKK torches; she also married a white man, so they had plenty of their own struggles in their 45 years of marriage and I can understand why it's so important to her. In my life, the only racists I met were mostly functionally retarded individuals whose opinions mattered little to me. Institutional racism is not something I've had to live with (at least not as far as I know), so it's not high on my priority list. I'm far more concerned with the abolition of the Federal Reserve than I am with Affirmative Action.

    So now the question arises. What do I do with these shirts? I'll be damned if I'm ever seen wearing one. My old solution would have been to use them to wash the cars, but I don't have a car anymore. I could give them to the locals, but I don't want tourists looking at them thinking I have retarded neighbors (though the Europeans simply LOVE Obama). There are enough wacky t-shirts being worn here as it is (waiting for the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies shirts to pop up).

    I'm also stuck with the possibility that she'll notice that I don't have them when she comes down to visit, which may be in the next couple months. If I tell her I threw them out or gave them away, we'd finally have to have that long discussion I've been avoiding: that Obama is a tool for the banks put there to make people think that something has changed and by the time he leaves office, America is going to look like the Weimar Republic. I avoid these kinds of discussions with mom because she doesn't need to hear it (nor does she know what Weimar Germany was, despite having lived right near Weimar) and she's already paid her dues to my generation. Like grandma always said, nothing will get as violent a response as changing someone's reality. Momma is happy in her current reality and I might as well let her stay there.

    Your creative solutions to this dilemma are greatly appreciated.
    Last edited by El Doc; 11-06-2009 at 11:25 PM.
    "Un Estado que no se rigiera según la justicia se reduciría a una gran banda de ladrones." --San Agustín

  2. #2
    House SOB Little Corn Tom's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Do whatever will make your mother the happiest.

    Nothing else matters.

    Quote Originally Posted by El Doc View Post
    When La Baby Doc went back to the old country to visit, she stopped in to see my parents across the border as well. Mom, as always, sent a few items down for her "white sheep in the family" son who is always trotting around the world. They call me that because the other white sheep in the family is my old man, and he also has a passion for moving around and seeing something new whenever he can. The rest of them are homebodies who hate to fly, hate to travel, and would never try to learn a foreign language.

    So anyway, two of those items sent were Obama t-shirts. Now you have to understand mom. She grew up in Mississippi during Jim Crow and was fire-hosed, tear gassed, billy clubbed and arrested during the marches, diner sit-ins, voter registration drives, and sometimes just plain going to school. She's still deathly afraid of German Shepherds to this day. Despite the fact that they gave her a high-school diploma, she was functionally illiterate well into her 30s. She learned to read at the same time I did in grade school (from my books and tutoring). That was how it was done back then. Blacks spent most of their time in the cotton fields, not school. The schools only gave them diplomas so that they could tell the federal government that they were educating their negroes.

    To her, the election of Obama is a big deal. Even my centenarian injun grandmother went out to vote for the first time in 30 years. To a half-breed Navy brat like myself, it takes more than melanin to get my support. I don't bother to tell her any of that because I understand we're using two different yardsticks. To her, this means America has finally gotten past its racist past, and that was the most important issue in her life. She lost two brothers to lynchings and one house to KKK torches; she also married a white man, so they had plenty of their own struggles in their 45 years of marriage and I can understand why it's so important to her. In my life, the only racists I met were mostly functionally retarded individuals whose opinions mattered little to me. Institutional racism is not something I've had to live with (at least not as far as I know), so it's not high on my priority list. I'm far more concerned with the abolition of the Federal Reserve than I am with Affirmative Action.

    So now the question arises. What do I do with these shirts? I'll be damned if I'm ever seen wearing one. My old solution would have been to use them to wash the cars, but I don't have a car anymore. I could give them to the locals, but I don't want tourists looking at them thinking I have retarded neighbors (though the Europeans simply LOVE Obama). There are enough wacky t-shirts being worn here as it is (waiting for the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies shirts to pop up).

    I'm also stuck with the possibility that she'll notice that I don't have them when she comes down to visit, which may be in the next couple months. If I tell her I threw them out or gave them away, we'd finally have to have that long discussion I've been avoiding: that Obama is a tool for the banks put there to make people think that something has changed and by the time he leaves office, America is going to look like the Weimar Republic. I avoid these kinds of discussions with mom because she doesn't need to hear it (nor does she know what Weimar Germany was, despite having lived right near Weimar) and she's already paid her dues to my generation. Like grandma always said, nothing will get as violent a response as changing someone's reality. Momma is happy in her current reality and I might as well let her stay there.

    Your creative solutions to this dilemma are greatly appreciated.
    Life's different here ... It's a whole 'nother pace.

  3. #3
    Viejo del Foro Just Plain John Wayne's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    I agree LCT wash the Basturds several times to mak 'em look well used, put 'em away and when moma comes down use 'em.....Pretty simple I think, ain't no local going to burn you at the stake over it.....
    To be called a "Has Been" I must surmise, is much Greater than to be called a "Nevah Been"... JW...



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    Pinolero De Cepa!! FisherCigarman's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    If you don't please your momma I will personally go kick your ass to Granada with a 6x60 cigar.

    By all means brother,don't wear them until your dear mother comes visit ya,I don't even think she will care or noticed you have not wore them.
    You are a true gent,and will always have my friendship and respect.

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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Quote Originally Posted by Just Plain John Wayne View Post
    I agree LCT wash the Basturds several times to mak 'em look well used, put 'em away and when moma comes down use 'em.....Pretty simple I think, ain't no local going to burn you at the stake over it.....
    And blush with a quick wink and nod should you meet a friend with an inquisitive face. You can splain it later if ya feel the need to?

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    Fightin Irish JackMcG's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Quote Originally Posted by El Doc View Post
    Momma is happy in her current reality and I might as well let her stay there.
    You answered your own question!
    "If you ain't bleeding, you ain't working!"

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    Viejo del Foro Just Plain John Wayne's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    You lucky El D...Since 9-11 my mother will not get on a plane.....

    I think it is from the hair spray from her havin' a "Beauty Shop"...
    To be called a "Has Been" I must surmise, is much Greater than to be called a "Nevah Been"... JW...



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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    What a bunch of mama's boys.

    Make the shirts disappear, but tell Mom you gave them as gifts to your host government and they were accepted with high honor as a gesture of outreach and solidarity.

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    Pinolero De Cepa!! FisherCigarman's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?






    Quote Originally Posted by Jonh View Post
    What a bunch of mama's boys.

    Make the shirts disappear, but tell Mom you gave them as gifts to your host government and they were accepted with high honor as a gesture of outreach and solidarity.
    Attached Images Attached Images

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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Hey, I like that smilie. "Why, I otta!"

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    Fightin Irish JackMcG's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jonh View Post
    Hey, I like that smilie. "Why, I otta!"

    Look again Jonh.... that's not it!
    "If you ain't bleeding, you ain't working!"

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    Pinolero De Cepa!! FisherCigarman's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    , I just wanted to break out that smilie bro


    Quote Originally Posted by Jonh View Post
    Hey, I like that smilie. "Why, I otta!"

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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Quote Originally Posted by JackMcG View Post
    Look again Jonh.... that's not it!
    Oh I see what it is. A guy shaving with an invisible razor.

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    Pinolero De Cepa!! FisherCigarman's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    eso eso eso dijo el chavo

    Quote Originally Posted by Jonh View Post
    Oh I see what it is. A guy shaving with an invisible razor.

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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?


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    Viejo del Foro El Greco's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Make them happy!For Her Obama represents Hope of a struggle that's been going on for 400 years.... A La Madre toda abnegacion y Amor... for non- Espanol folks means= You never deny your Mom anything, and you give Her All your Love
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    Dios es Amor!

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    TRN Surgeon General El Doc's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Thanks for all you're responses and PMs. I guess the solution is pretty obvious. Wash 'em a few times so that they look used, and only wear one when I pick her up at the airport.

    BTW, if any of you see me in it and laugh, I'm gonna punch you square in the nose just as soon as momma's back on the plane.
    "Un Estado que no se rigiera según la justicia se reduciría a una gran banda de ladrones." --San Agustín

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    Viejo del Foro El Greco's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Quote Originally Posted by El Doc View Post
    Thanks for all you're responses and PMs. I guess the solution is pretty obvious. Wash 'em a few times so that they look used, and only wear one when I pick her up at the airport.

    BTW, if any of you see me in it and laugh, I'm gonna punch you square in the nose just as soon as momma's back on the plane.
    You're Smart! I'm pretty sure you'll score some brownie points with your mom
    Dios es Amor!

  19. #19
    TRN Surgeon General El Doc's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Quote Originally Posted by El Greco View Post
    Why don't you frame a t-shirt and hang on your wall and when She leaves just take it down.... You're Smart! I'm pretty sure you'll score some brownie points with your mom
    Oooh, you're a friggin' genius!
    "Un Estado que no se rigiera según la justicia se reduciría a una gran banda de ladrones." --San Agustín

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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Retarded? Sounds juvenile to me, like you're 15 going on 13. It's clear from what you've written you'll do what pleases yourself. But I don't like the hypocrisy in the scamming-Momma solutions.

    Personally, I'd be proud to wear one. And I was turned down for my dream job solely because of an ‘affirmative action’ quota. (The department chairman told me I had the job, but he could only hire Chinese & Indians, because qualified blacks & latinos were too hard to find.) I have never seen Obama as a ‘black’ man, not just cause he’s truly 50/50 African-American (so he’s as ‘white’ as he is ‘black‘), but because he’s trans-racial, beyond those effete categorizations, a citizen of the world, a real human being. Yeah, I voted for him, the first time I voted for any political machine candidate, Democrat or Republican, since I can remember. And yes sir, I’d put my Obama T-shirt up against the plethora of Che T-shirts in Granada anytime, just for the joy of demographic feedback off the street. (Seen any Ortega T-shirts lately?)

    As a politician, Obama is a rarity - he's sincere. "A tool for the banks"? Because he relies on the expertise of Geithner & Bernanke, following Paulson’s initial leap? People elected a leader, someone they feel they can trust, to be a leader of other men, not a messiah. Name me someone elected to be in Washington who’s not somebody’s ‘tool‘. We all have to serve somebody sometime.

    “Put there to make people think ...”? He wasn't "put there", a majority of Americans honestly chose this guy, and the overwhelming financial vote of donors on the internet was, perhaps, the most democratic action the USA has taken since ordinary folks fought the British for independence. The Democrat machine acting alone would have expectedly put Hillary up against McCain. People liked what Obama had to say, and how he said it.

    “America is going to look like the Weimar Republic.” . . . like you, a doctor who has to explain twisted, diseased innards to their owner, couldn’t take the time to tell your poor mother what you mean, as if you knew America's future will repeat Germany's past?
    Step down off your pedestal Doc.

    A very well written & entertaining blog, by the way. (Oh yes, the Phillies were ‘World Champions’ ... in 2008.)

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    TRN Surgeon General El Doc's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Thanks Daddy-YO, but I'm afraid I don't share your optimism. I'm very skeptical of anything that comes out of the two-party duopoly. The only thing they seem to agree on is fixing the game so that no other options are viable come election day. Despite the change in rhetoric, I don't see any substantive change in reality. The same policies get carried forward regardless of which party is in power. That seems to have held up pretty consistently since the end of WWII. As far as I'm concerned, Obama is just another in a long line of anchormen whose sole purpose is to keep us distracted from where the real power emanates.

    But he can still prove me wrong. Let's see if we're still in Iraq and Afghanistan at the end of his first term. Let's see if they continue to print and hand out trillions to the banks while simultaneously dismantling the regulatory and oversight system that was supposed to prevent a financial meltdown in the first place. So far, I've seen nothing from this guy that would lead me to the conclusion that he's going to do anything different than the last four guys. While he may be more polite to our neighbors and a better speaker than the last guy, his actions, like the actions of his predecessors, appear to only reflect the will of the same old power structures that have controlled politics for decades.

    And with those strongly held beliefs, I would look retarded wearing his mug on my chest.

    But thanks for the words of support. In the end, this was just a writing exercise. I know the best way to handle mom is to follow the path of least resistance. The last thing I want is for her to be upset in any way. She's been through enough in her 70 years.
    "Un Estado que no se rigiera según la justicia se reduciría a una gran banda de ladrones." --San Agustín

  22. #22

    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    [quote=Daddy-YO;81325]

    Personally, I'd be proud to wear one. And I was turned down for my dream job solely because of an ‘affirmative action’ quota. (The department chairman told me I had the job, but he could only hire Chinese & Indians, because qualified blacks & latinos were too hard to find.) I have never seen Obama as a ‘black’ man, not just cause he’s truly 50/50 African-American (so he’s as ‘white’ as he is ‘black‘), but because he’s trans-racial, beyond those effete categorizations, a citizen of the world, a real human being. Yeah, I voted for him, the first time I voted for any political machine candidate, Democrat or Republican, since I can remember. And yes sir, I’d put my Obama T-shirt up against the plethora of Che T-shirts in Granada anytime, just for the joy of demographic feedback off the street. (Seen any Ortega T-shirts lately?)quote]

    That's good. I am personally proud that you have expressed yourself, and I always enjoy your posts.

    Me? I'm an old soldier. I would never and will never support anyone that has expressed himself in such a racial manner as this one, nor would I support anyone that has said he would fall in line with the muslin faction over the betterment of our country.

    It's in his books, statement for statement.

    • From The Audacity of Hope: "I will stand with the Muslims should the political winds shift in an ugly direction." (Page 261)

    I have a vested interest in the USA and this man is not my leader, my choice, nor one that I would support under any circumstance.

    Just as you, this is an opinion and has no bearing on anything other than me.

    Salute.

  23. #23
    Fightin Irish JackMcG's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Quote Originally Posted by El Doc View Post
    In the end, this was just a writing exercise. I know the best way to handle mom is to follow the path of least resistance. The last thing I want is for her to be upset in any way. She's been through enough in her 70 years.
    And in the end.... only love remains and only love counts! Oh all your long winded, well researched, highly intelligent and informative posts... this, for me, was your most impressive!
    "If you ain't bleeding, you ain't working!"

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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Quote Originally Posted by El Doc View Post
    Thanks for all you're responses and PMs. I guess the solution is pretty obvious. Wash 'em a few times so that they look used, and only wear one when I pick her up at the airport.

    BTW, if any of you see me in it and laugh, I'm gonna punch you square in the nose just as soon as momma's back on the plane.
    Ah, but the black eye would be worth it!

    Surely your mother knows you well enough to know your political feelings. My mother sends my brother politically oriented stuff all the time, knowing full well they are on total opposite ends of the spectrum. And she knows if she visits their house and doesn't see the stuff lying around, that she won't take it personally. He either gives or throws the stuff away.

    And if your mom doesn't know you don't support Obama, maybe it's time you came out of the closet with her.

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    TRN Surgeon General El Doc's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to please Momma without looking retarded?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jonh View Post
    Ah, but the black eye would be worth it!

    Surely your mother knows you well enough to know your political feelings. My mother sends my brother politically oriented stuff all the time, knowing full well they are on total opposite ends of the spectrum. And she knows if she visits their house and doesn't see the stuff lying around, that she won't take it personally. He either gives or throws the stuff away.
    Actually, politics and religion are two things we never discuss. We parted ways on those subjects when I was just a teenager, butted heads a few times in my 20s, now we just leave it alone.

    And if your mom doesn't know you don't support Obama, maybe it's time you came out of the closet with her.
    My dad and I see eye to eye on Obama, the two-party system and the commercialization of our democratic processes (and Catholicism for that matter). We both just leave mom in her own reality on this one. Like I said, her war is over now and as far as she's concerned, her side won. No point letting her think otherwise. She got off the plantation, and that's good enough for her. Victory is relative.

    Talking to someone who came through those battles about the here and now is like talking to a couple of old Sandinistas or Contras about the 21st century. It's analogous to Reverend Wright talking about race. They're forever locked in the last war and their perspective will always be from that angle. It's all moot at this point anyways because our generation vastly outnumbers theirs and we're fighting on different battlefields now. We have different things to worry about.

    There's no harm in letting them sit around the fire telling war stories of days gone by as long as we understand that that war is over; at least for us it is.
    "Un Estado que no se rigiera según la justicia se reduciría a una gran banda de ladrones." --San Agustín

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